Smart divorce vs. Scorched Earth

When I began my divorce journey a friend who had been through the process explained that divorce is like throwing a stone into the center of a calm still lake.  The ripple effect begins in the center and spreads out to affect the entire body of water.  I couldn’t appreciate how on point that analogy was until I experienced my own divorce.  The process affects you at your core and ripples out to your children, finances, lifestyle, family, friends and emotional wellbeing.  To make matters more challenging you’re expected to make important life decisions for your future at a time when you ‘re suffering from divorce brain fog that makes it difficult to think clearly. Being mindful through this process will help you make smart choices as you work through the legal, financial and emotional challenges. Maintaining this active energy through this process is not easy because it’s easy to let your emotions get the best of you.


The movie “War of the Roses” is a cautionary tale of a divorce that turns into a train wreck. Synopsis:  the wife no longer loves her husband and files for divorce but their anger and hurt fuel an epic divorce battle.  They both want the other to leave so they can take possession of the marital home.   The divorce attorney enjoys watching how far each spouse will push the other to get them out of the marital home at all costs.  They were more interested in destroying the other person and leaving destruction and scorched earth.  Both parties were not able to check in with their emotions and the big picture.  They could have stopped the train wreck if they were more mindful of their emotions, action and what was at stake.  Instead both spouses were letting their anger run wild resulting in huge attorney bills and two people who destroyed each other in many ways making it difficult to move on.

There is an opportunity to create a smart divorce.  Taking time to be mindful of emotions and finding professional help  to manage the transition is the key to minimize the damaging impacts. Getting educated on the best strategy for your unique circumstance and understanding the difference between mediation, collaborative divorce, attorney-to-attorney negotiations or worst-case scenario litigation.  This process can feel like a full time job and it comes at a time when it’s hard to think clearly. This is why you should consider hiring a divorce coach who will navigate you through the process and help you build your divorce team of experts for a smart divorce. Get the professional help you need to find the best way to deal with the business of your divorce to minimize the financial, emotional and legal challenges.  It will help you achieve a better outcome to move forward financially but also mind, body and soul.

Call or email for your complimentary discovery session:   Amy Botwinick DC ACC CDC  (561) 271 8415